Dear Period

I almost named this entire blog "Cold Toes" or "Cold Feet" or something like that. It is one of the things that has really stuck with me these past 8 years. You know, the hot flashes kinda subsided, the lack of emotion has been variable, but cold feet and loosing tons of hair all the time.... they were there through thick and thin. I honestly feel bald compared to the good old days (when I was <18 and still had a freaking cycle). A bald girl with cold feet. Cold hands too, generally, but mainly cold feet. I usually tell people I have poor circulation instead of telling them I have POF. It's just easier. The weird thing is, every time I have my thyroid tested, I'm expecting my levels to be totally whacked, and they look reasonably normal. It is everything else that is totally screwed up I guess. Maybe my thyroid is barely hanging on after all these years and just looks OK on the outside. Sorta like ALL THE REST OF ME. Not only do I physically have co...

The season has been so long though. So so long. How about my girls out there, the ones with POF. How much like a prolonged seasonal affective disorder is this diagnosis? We keep waiting and waiting for summer (which is what... bioidentical hormones, labs to look better, a diet that promises success, and on and on...) And then it is actually just spring; puddles on the way into the grocery store; dirty cars; wet animals; cleaning. Our season and disorder lasts years; for some, a lifetime. I am totally ready to quit being a statistic and start being a success story, but the journey in between, the season in between, is so long sometimes. Today was one of those days... I received a text that threw me into a rage and I tried to handle it well (cuz I was still at work), but my coworkers mysteriously began mentioning that "you don't seem yourself", and then I realized "Wow. I'm so bad at concealing negative emotion it's not even funny." [ASIDE: Fear not!...

Dear Period, I'm coming for ya! I think I finally want you back :) If I'm being being honest, our 8 years apart have been the most tampon-free, wear-white-whenever, go-camping-whenever, never-have-period-pain, never-have-feelings-or-emotions, shock-doctors-with-the-answer-to-last-menstrual-cycle-question, time of my life! I sometimes think it's a good thing you took off for a while because by the end of my college career I was eating carrots for breakfast lunch and dinner and donating plasma for gas money.... Tampons certainly weren't in the budget. So I missed you but not really. Sorry. Emotion is tough for me.... Try not to take it personally. Never mind... definitely take it personally. I'm not the one that left! But as much fun as this period- less experience has been, it certainly hasn't been all pink and blue clouds. Blame-laying/claiming aside (that could be a very long argument I may not be ready for), this is where I kinda tear up and say that I...