I almost named this entire blog "Cold Toes" or "Cold Feet" or something like that. It is one of the things that has really stuck with me these past 8 years. You know, the hot flashes kinda subsided, the lack of emotion has been variable, but cold feet and loosing tons of hair all the time.... they were there through thick and thin. I honestly feel bald compared to the good old days (when I was <18 and still had a freaking cycle).
A bald girl with cold feet. Cold hands too, generally, but mainly cold feet. I usually tell people I have poor circulation instead of telling them I have POF. It's just easier.
The weird thing is, every time I have my thyroid tested, I'm expecting my levels to be totally whacked, and they look reasonably normal. It is everything else that is totally screwed up I guess. Maybe my thyroid is barely hanging on after all these years and just looks OK on the outside. Sorta like ALL THE REST OF ME.
Not only do I physically have cold feet; I also have cold feet about this blog, about trying to get my period back, about getting serious about not being a statistic, and instead becoming the success story.
I want to inspire you women with POF to try with me, and convince you that it's worth it to try. That it's worth it to love your journey, even if the destination ends up being different than the one you had planned. Scratch that. It is bullshit in our situation. And all the work get there seems so impossible, too hard, not worth it. We are all fully worn out with the day to day, the coping, and our complex mix of worry and hope for the future. Besides, all of us have the same destination, and it is one that we don't want altered during the journey. It is one that includes our own periods and our own children; one in which we have thick, lustrous hair and warm feet; one in which we have energy for other things besides our hormones. I keep trying to tell myself that other people have succeeded in getting their periods back and so can I; that there must be a way out of this mess, and either I will find it, or die trying.
But it is a gamble. I am not sure I will die trying.
The funny thing about the "it is the journey" rhetoric is that even though I hate it, it's true. Because we know where we are headed, and we aren't allowed to just assume that we will never get there. Basically, getting there is our full time life job. You can't know until the journey is over that you made or didn't make it to where you were headed.
Bring on the emotions, libido, hormones, periods and kiddos! and the WARM FEET!
A bald girl with cold feet. Cold hands too, generally, but mainly cold feet. I usually tell people I have poor circulation instead of telling them I have POF. It's just easier.
The weird thing is, every time I have my thyroid tested, I'm expecting my levels to be totally whacked, and they look reasonably normal. It is everything else that is totally screwed up I guess. Maybe my thyroid is barely hanging on after all these years and just looks OK on the outside. Sorta like ALL THE REST OF ME.
Not only do I physically have cold feet; I also have cold feet about this blog, about trying to get my period back, about getting serious about not being a statistic, and instead becoming the success story.
I want to inspire you women with POF to try with me, and convince you that it's worth it to try. That it's worth it to love your journey,
But it is a gamble. I am not sure I will die trying.
The funny thing about the "it is the journey" rhetoric is that even though I hate it, it's true. Because we know where we are headed, and we aren't allowed to just assume that we will never get there. Basically, getting there is our full time life job. You can't know until the journey is over that you made or didn't make it to where you were headed.
Bring on the emotions, libido, hormones, periods and kiddos! and the WARM FEET!
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