Hey Ladies.
Can I just get out there and say that Mother's Day sucks?
I've heard this from a few of you on fb lately and if I'm being honest, I have never really been that sensitive about it. I think that with zero hormones, my level of caring and crying and being all emotional about stuff just totally flatlined. But I also recognize that this affects each of us differently, and that it is way harder for some than others to see moms with babies etc... I count myself lucky that this has never been the case for me. I am able to be happy for my friends getting pregnant and having babies, and Mother's Day has never really brought up any real negative emotion.
Until This Year.
When the day after Mother's Day, one of my patients told me she hoped I had had a good Mother's Day. I smilingly told her that I don't have any children and her next question was "Well, do you have dogs?" Me: "Nope. No Dogs." "No cats either?" "No animals. Yeah, I'm not a Mom. But the day was good."
It was a simple and simultaneously very weird interaction that brought up some mixed and likely surpressed emotions. There's the silent narrative, that growing voice inside voice saying
"I'm not a mom and I never will be a mom, and thank you very much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?!" Sometimes it says:
"No. Not everyone can have children. Some people have fertility issues. Has this never occurred to you?"
Sometimes:
"Marriage will be so childless. You had better steer clear."
"If one more person says 'Well you can adopt' when you tell them about POF, slap that person."
"How will you find a man that loves you even when he knows you will probably not be able to have kids with him? Don't men want to be proud daddies and go to little league games?"
"If you never eat pizza again or other bad food, then maybe you'll get your period back and have children. Why can't you just get control of your diet?"
"Take the hormones. They will fix everything."
"Take the hormones. You'll end up breaking your femur just getting out of the car at the age of 45 if you're not more careful."
"Can't you see? This is your body telling you it knows better than to reproduce right now. So obviously you shouldn't have kids right now. I am your body and I know best."
But we just put on our best smile, and say we don't have kids. Nope, no kids. And the next year, no kids. And the year after that. Still no.
Cheers to all of you, to all of us, the mothers of souls that will never exist, courageous and loving women who sometimes cry in the darkness, dreaming of the agony of birth.
Can I just get out there and say that Mother's Day sucks?
I've heard this from a few of you on fb lately and if I'm being honest, I have never really been that sensitive about it. I think that with zero hormones, my level of caring and crying and being all emotional about stuff just totally flatlined. But I also recognize that this affects each of us differently, and that it is way harder for some than others to see moms with babies etc... I count myself lucky that this has never been the case for me. I am able to be happy for my friends getting pregnant and having babies, and Mother's Day has never really brought up any real negative emotion.
Until This Year.
When the day after Mother's Day, one of my patients told me she hoped I had had a good Mother's Day. I smilingly told her that I don't have any children and her next question was "Well, do you have dogs?" Me: "Nope. No Dogs." "No cats either?" "No animals. Yeah, I'm not a Mom. But the day was good."
It was a simple and simultaneously very weird interaction that brought up some mixed and likely surpressed emotions. There's the silent narrative, that growing voice inside voice saying
"I'm not a mom and I never will be a mom, and thank you very much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?!" Sometimes it says:
"No. Not everyone can have children. Some people have fertility issues. Has this never occurred to you?"
Sometimes:
"Marriage will be so childless. You had better steer clear."
"If one more person says 'Well you can adopt' when you tell them about POF, slap that person."
"How will you find a man that loves you even when he knows you will probably not be able to have kids with him? Don't men want to be proud daddies and go to little league games?"
"If you never eat pizza again or other bad food, then maybe you'll get your period back and have children. Why can't you just get control of your diet?"
"Take the hormones. They will fix everything."
"Take the hormones. You'll end up breaking your femur just getting out of the car at the age of 45 if you're not more careful."
"Can't you see? This is your body telling you it knows better than to reproduce right now. So obviously you shouldn't have kids right now. I am your body and I know best."
But we just put on our best smile, and say we don't have kids. Nope, no kids. And the next year, no kids. And the year after that. Still no.
Cheers to all of you, to all of us, the mothers of souls that will never exist, courageous and loving women who sometimes cry in the darkness, dreaming of the agony of birth.
Comments
Post a Comment