I got a new job recently.
You know, a new job. Where you meet new people and they ask all of these invasive questions but are actually just trying to get to know you better.
Where do you live?
How long ago did you graduate?
Where did you go to school?
Where are you from?
How long did you live there?
Do you have any animals?
Do you have kids?
Do you have kids? Do you have kids? Do you have kids?
It's like it echoes in my brain and I immeditely think "Why is that any of your business? Nope. No kids. And please never ask again, because the answer won't ever change."
As I have been dealing with diagnosis and how sucky it is, I have often thought better of asking people questions about their plans for children. Since I am Catholic, large families are common, as are thoughtless comments about couples without kids, but I have learned to pipe up that maybe they can't have children, because it is myself I see on the recieving end of those comments.
Sometimes I even get angry when I hear people talk about planning their perfect family, hear people commenting that so and so has too many kids and so and so has too few. But I think that maybe I am too harsh.
I don't want to give anyone a free pass to judge others harshly or be unkind. Contrarily, I think my new coworkers are just being human, trying to get to know me. I have gotten so used to picking up on those questions and taking offense to them that I do it without even thinking about it, without even trying. And I used to think this was somehow my right, my duty to me and to other women with POF and other fertility sstruggles.
But maybe we need to be a bit more forgiving of the people who are trying to put us at ease, in an altogether different circumstance.
You know, a new job. Where you meet new people and they ask all of these invasive questions but are actually just trying to get to know you better.
Where do you live?
How long ago did you graduate?
Where did you go to school?
Where are you from?
How long did you live there?
Do you have any animals?
Do you have kids?
Do you have kids? Do you have kids? Do you have kids?
It's like it echoes in my brain and I immeditely think "Why is that any of your business? Nope. No kids. And please never ask again, because the answer won't ever change."
As I have been dealing with diagnosis and how sucky it is, I have often thought better of asking people questions about their plans for children. Since I am Catholic, large families are common, as are thoughtless comments about couples without kids, but I have learned to pipe up that maybe they can't have children, because it is myself I see on the recieving end of those comments.
Sometimes I even get angry when I hear people talk about planning their perfect family, hear people commenting that so and so has too many kids and so and so has too few. But I think that maybe I am too harsh.
I don't want to give anyone a free pass to judge others harshly or be unkind. Contrarily, I think my new coworkers are just being human, trying to get to know me. I have gotten so used to picking up on those questions and taking offense to them that I do it without even thinking about it, without even trying. And I used to think this was somehow my right, my duty to me and to other women with POF and other fertility sstruggles.
But maybe we need to be a bit more forgiving of the people who are trying to put us at ease, in an altogether different circumstance.
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